WHEN GOD WAS A GASTROENTEROLOGIST — Delivering the Ultimate Retribution

There are some fascinating lines of Biblical text from the Book of Samuel I.  In Samuel 4 it describes the capture of the Ark of the Covenant by the Philistines in their rout of Israelite fighters.  As one can well imagine such a catastrophe to the Israelite nation resulted in the shock and death of several leaders and Biblical figures.

 What could be the outcome of such a humiliation?  Well apparently Yahewh, the Israelite God took matters into His own hands (so to speak).  He smote them (love that term) with a beastly attack of hemorrhoids!!  The Philistines were so debilitated by this attack (like the plagues from Exodus) that they returned the ArK to the Israelites with a slew of statues of Golden Hemorrhoids as a recognition of Yahweh’s potency.

 Who knew?  My life’s two passions, gastroenterology and religious studies meet in the anal canal.  The uninitiated might laugh.  How could an attack of hemorrhoids bring the Philistines to their knees (wrong part)?

 Ah, ask a whole bunch of my patients.  They know the truth that the Bible reveals. 

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